What Happened After Crushing My Dream?


Things I have done after becoming ineligible for the dream I held from day one of my living

Photo by SOPHIE N-VA on Twenty20

ver since I learned to understand, I faced with choices that were inevitable to reject them. The consequences that everyone faces in this world are quite different and instrumental. The life we choose to live is always will be different from what we were expecting at the start. My life started similarly like that. It all happened 25 years ago where my mom suffered 2 nights continuously to get me out of her womb. From day one my entry to this planet was not so great. I born with pain and the pain just simply vanished when she held me in her hands for the first time. Instead of pain, she felt happy and satisfied with accomplishment the greatest fact of human life that is to giving birth.

This happens to every woman. They feel happy when they see their baby. All the pain fades away and the sense of happiness would be unexplainable. Later she had to let me go and I grew up in my grand father’s house. In there I learned so many things. My home was the university for me to learn and develop all kinds of habits which are good, bad and hard. I use to taught by my mom about science and religion. The comparison between them was questionable every time. I use to question about religion and was comparing similarly like that with science on what if..??

I was on my top about researching, learning and asking questions to my teachers and learning from them. Till my 12th grade, I use yo think like a scientist. My only aim was to become one and to what is going on in the world. I am not a creative kind of person, I do question when I feel mysterious before accepting and add my thoughts to that concept to understand them well. I was more of a theorist. I completed my 12th grade and it was the time for me to choose my path. I said to myself, “I’m. 18 now, buddy. It’s your life and you are the maker of your destiny so go hard and strike hard the mysteries.” till now these are the best words that I said to myself till now. Later when I applied for the under graduation course on Aeronautical Engineering, I got a seat in a college where I had to move out of my hometown to study for it.

I constructed dreams that day by thinking I can do this, I will be an Astrophysicist or an Astronaut. I was inspired by Kalpana Chawla. Her death inspired more to have the hope to become an astronaut. When I went for a discussion about the same with others, they told that I am not fit to become an astronaut because my eyes are not well developed. I have 50% of the vision along with myopia. That was the day I realized that I am not thinking straight. I never thought about the prerequisites required to become an astronaut. My heart broke completely and I was depressed like my life is over. The next try was to become a scientist. That was the 2nd best option I had. Hence, I went back to another college and applied for Bachelors’s in Astrophysics — fortunately, I got a seat in that as well. Once more I had to move out of my hometown if I accept the offer.

This time my mom prevented me from getting into the college out of our hometown. I never blamed for that because I was living in my grandfather’s house. He was dead already and he had 2 wives always fighting for the places. My step-grandmother started to betray my mom and my grandmother. This has been a lot involved when it comes to the things that I processed at that time. We were so inspirational to others before that, everybody was telling us that to stay with 2 wives and children in the same house is an exception. People appreciated the unity.

Everything in our life dies. The same happened to me. So, I was not able to move to the city at that time and stayed with my mom and went for a college. I choose to study Information Science. I joined engineering.

Guys like me are always shattered in life when we don’t get what we wished for but at that time it has become a habit more than disappointment. My life was in transition through the day I stepped into this world.

There is a reason for me to share this story with you all. I want to guide the people or make them understand that the world is not about to end so soon and we have a lot of options if we don’t get what we wished for. Sometimes we get better than that. Recently, I left the best person of my life indefinitely. I got so hurt and disappointed by the things she did to me after we were together for a complete 3 years without being apart for a single day. I was feeling like forever when she was not there with me even for a minute or two. That is how we were attached and as soon as she found another person, she decided to keep me away and started to prioritize him.

This is how this world works. When we wish for only a single thing to happen in our life, that will never gonna happen. The thing or the person we love will not support us to grow. There are chances where out of a million people, 10 or 20 friendships we can find but not more than that. People change, situation change, your dreams shatter, things will break, at last, you will break as well. This is not bad and you cannot blame the person or the situation for your suffering. The choices you make in your life matters and they are connected. So, the past is not in our hands and the future always needs to be written by your present actions.

When I joined engineering, from day one I started to develop an interest in computers and to help people. I tried helping my institution, they told me I am not qualified to help them. After 2 years of continuous research, I tried to implement a cloud service on our campus. They just turned down my pitch and gave that to our faculty to do it. They were half successful though. I faced difficulty and failure in the things that I was not able to convince others to accept my ideas because I haven’t accepted their way either. As long as there is friction in agreeing to terms and not thinking about doing whole well to society, we as humans personally cannot grow or develop self-awareness. We need to accept the difficulties and have to apply the alternatives when we fail to achieve the primary things.

Now, it is working great for me even though I am not a scientist. The mind what we have is important. I opted to become a scientist because my mind was full of questions that wanted to go for the pursuit of answers. I get questions even now on business, education, growth of society, politics and computers. The day my dream was crushed from becoming a scientist or an astrophysicist, it started to reach all the areas including science. I started to write, read different books, started to learn to program, expanded my mind to work on photography and now professionally an IT guy.

This is how life takes us. When we are not able to go forward in the direction, we hoped for at least we can use our same brain to expand our areas and apply the same energy into those areas. Now, I am writing sitting on the 21st floor by thinking, if I get a chance to change the world, what would I do. My answer is, I will make everything for free and tell people to complete the tasks to get what they want. If they want an iPhone, they must build an iOS app and publish it to the App store or they need to support people in living their lives. There has to be a trade but not the money in it. I still challenge myself and I am starting to give services like Website Development, SEO, Digital Marketing and Software Development for free. I starred this change myself. I won’t have time to do 1000 websites a day but I can do 1 and give services to them. This builds the network among us.

Pure humanity must be tapped to remind our self conscious that we are not the slaves of 7 sins. We need to stand together and now I am starting alone by hoping someday the world around me will change. No matter how difficult it is, once we know the value of love, hatred, betrayal, we understand how important it is to be with people around us who are the same.

Tapping into pure human nature is different than just surviving, earning money or fame. It is again different from enjoying life being introvert. Pure humanity grows when we grow and mentor others to grow with us. When that happens, our growth never stops but when the opposite happens, the time we grow above people, our growth simply stops by telling us this is enough and there is nothing more.